Kissing my Sister


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There’s nothing like being home alone on a Saturday night to make you question your life decisions. Why am I not more productive? Why do I not have a ‘career’? Why am I not more ‘established’? Why am I slowly turning in to my mum? And why the hell am I so obsessed with swimming?

The seemingly simplest questions like where do you want to live, what job do you want, and where do you want to be in ten years’ time are, for me the hardest to answer. Crippled by choice and overwhelmed by options I remain living like a 21 year old graduate into my (almost) thirties. I feel like I’m getting closer to being a grown up though. I want a boyfriend and probably kids someday. This feels like slightly shitty timing though as I haven’t had a sniff of a snog in months and it’s looking increasingly likely that I’ll struggle to have children. FFS.

The dating challenge has hit a stalemate. I’ve gone completely off Tinder, but I need to push through. Realizing that the only man texting you at the moment is an 18 year old gap student from work is sobering to say the least. So, it’s time for new tactics. I’m going to get a hobby, one which includes meeting men, like rock climbing, cycling, or wood work (steady). I’m going to do some serious internet dating (ie on a laptop not my phone). I’m signing up to OKCupid and Of course, flirting online is a whole other kettle of fish than chatting someone up in a bar. Grammar is important, as is timing, and you can’t rely on looks or ‘chemistry’. It’s not unsurprising therefore that people now pay $900 for someone else to do it. I often think that I come across better in an email than in person and so chatting online has never particularly perturbed me. However this isn’t translating into good dates so I am enlisting the help of my flatmate with my online dating chat. She slays it apparently. A friend has also offered to set me up with someone and I’m on the verge of asking all my friends to set me up as well. Well, why not?

This month I’ve also got into swimming. Even when there’s pumping drum n bass from aqua fit and four year olds being airlifted by their Dad’s in the pool, I find it relaxing. Not being able to use my phone probably has something to do with this and I love being in the water.

Here’s what else I’ve been doing in the last month, if you’d like to know;

I’ve watched: the Casanova ballet in Leeds, which rendered my chattiest friend speechless; an American in Paris in London (incredible- the words my Dad used and he NEVER uses that word), Get Out at the Electric in Birmingham, bloody brilliant.

I’ve eaten: Lamb, so, so much lamb – it was Easter. I originally wanted to call this post lambing season because of all the delicious lamb that’s been eaten. We had Ottolenghi lamb lasagna with a crusty butterbean topping, Waitrose recipe card lamb with Samphire; Samphire, what a salty surprise delight that turned out to be; Salt and vinegar Hula-hoops – finally made for adults in the new grab bag format – godsend. Chocolate digestives; Carrot cake (I made a fucking carrot cake); vegetarian food at Mildred’s which was a priceless experience because of the delicious things they do with vegetables but largely due to my Dad’s reaction to a vegetarian burger: “so there is a meat in this yes?”, Bella Italia in Bayswater, (it was fucking nice I tell you). Pastrami and pickles at Monty’s. 

Drinking: Popcorn martinis ordered unnecessarily via text message at the Electric; incredibly strong Negronis at the Perry Vale; actually drinking red wine at brilliant new cocktail bar Brickfields in Brockley; Aldi’s Organic Prosecco; Prosecco at the Prince Albert in Bayswater when my cousin got ‘engaged to be engaged’.

Reading: I’ve been doing it, a whole lot more than I used to. I read on the train and before I go to sleep. I’ve been so caught up with reading (mostly because I now have to tweet about it) that I forgot to apply for a job. Currently, it’s a Secret History by Donna Tart which occasionally I two-time with the Brother’s Grimm Fairy Tales by Philip Pullman. Technically it’s not cheating when it’s short stories. I’ve also read a lot of weekend newspaper supplements, I particularly enjoyed these articles. How communicating online is affecting our real-life relationships. Lynn Barber, Bad Granny. India Knight on Sleep. Lucy Tobin on politics in advertising. I love reading about people’s daily routines on the back page of the Sunday Times Magazine and I particularly liked reading that Emilia Fox often has sausages and salad for dinner. Winner.

I also really enjoyed the Hockney, these are some of my favourites probably because I now bloody love swimming, and the one of his parents is lovely.



My Parents 1977 by David Hockney born 1937


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This entry was posted on May 7, 2017 by in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , .


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