Three months and five dates later, here’s where I’m at right now.
I’ve decided to keep names out of this blog, not because I think they will ever read it, but I think it makes it more fun. Date one I will call ‘jalapeno-popper’ because we ate them on our first date. These little grease balls were the end to many a night while I was at University but none since then. I had missed them. So the guy, he’s 33 and he looked smily and fun. We had a mutual friend (an ex-colleague) which makes me think we could have met organically. I find that appealing for some reason.We had some good chat beforehand and agreed to meet for a early drink somewhere local as we both had the day off (half term innit). It was fun. We drank cider, we made each other laugh and we ate jalapeno poppers. It turns out he used to be cameraman, but was now training to be a Primary school teacher. Interesting, considering I, having spent the last five months working as a teaching assistant, had resolutley decided that I didn’t want to teach!
We ended the night with a mate-y hug. I was pretty drunk by the end so I did wonder why there was no snog. I liked him though and we talked about another date. Maybe I just didn’t fancy him – yet.
Date #2 with jalapeno-popper. We both have Picturehouse cinema memberships and on a Monday tickets are a fiver for members. I’ve only been a member for about four years and never knew this! He booked the tickets for the Ritzy in Brixton and I promised to buy the popcorn. We didn’t have much time before the film so we got a huge box of popcorn, a red wine (for me) and a craft beer (him). He is pretty into his craft beers, and has a pony tail FYI (not sure about either of these but ANYWAY). We sat down in the cinema before the movie started. We were chatting quitely as the lights had just gone down, when the guy infront of me knocked my (almost completley undrunk) wine over. He knocked it completely over and didn’t notice. All gone. He hadn’t noticed and my date helpfully pointed out ‘oh, you’ve not got a drink now’. Wouldn’t it have been lovely if he had offered to buy me another? Anyway, he didn’t and so I ducked out to buy myself another. I didn’t want to be but I couldn’t help but feel a bit disappointed. Was that a bit rubbish of him? Possibly.
The film was good, we saw Moonlight, which is a fairly intense choice for a date, but it didn’t seem to dampen the mood. We went for another drink as it was only 8.30. At this point I still felt confused about whether I fancied him or not. I was slightly put off by the drink incident but thought I can’t brush him off because of this. I definitley felt comfortable around him. I made stupid jokes, ate jalopeno poppers, and saw off a giant box of popcorn infront of him without thinking twice about it. Is this a good sign? Is that more important than fancying someone? I do sort of like him, and maybe I just don’t fancy him…. yet.
Date #3 with jalapeno-popper
We went to Pop Brixton to try the onion bhaji burger he had told me about. It was pleasant again. We had a bit of a giggle but I still didn’t fancy him. At the end of the night, he walked me to the station. He didn’t try to kiss me and I didn’t try to kiss him. I felt like he was looking at me to judge whether to lean in and I guess he wasn’t quick enough as I went for the hug first to end the awkward moment.
I spoke to friends afterwards about this ‘dating and not fancying the person thing’. I know its not always love at first sight, but should you keep going on dates with someone even if you don’t fancy them? Isn’t that a bit pointless or cruel? Two friends (both in serious long term relationships) said that neither of them fancied their now-boyfriends / husbands when they first started dating. One friend, said she went on four dates and slept with him she realised she really liked him.
The tricky thing I find about online dating is that when you meet and don’t fancy each other, it’s not really a natural progression to figure out whether you eventually would. It’s a series of dates which feels a bit forced. On to the next I decided, although I haven’t written jalopeno-popper off yet.
Date #4 The cheese hater
I messaged this guy about something in his profile. He hates cheese which I find to be extraordinary. We had some quite funny chat about this, our other errational hatreds and soon arranged a date. He came up with three options of places close to where he works in the city, which was nice. We decided to meet at the Punch Tavern on Fleet Street. After some tricky phone siutatons (my whatsapp stopped working, and so did his texts) we nearly didn’t make our arranged date but eventually we both made it. He waited outside for me which I thought quite unusual and was clearly nervous when I arrived. I definitely didn’t fancy this guy. I could tell from across the street. Perfectly nice though he was, not bad looking, and an ok date. Three G&T’s later however it was glaringly obvious we were not meant to be.
Date #5 Perma-tan man
This was guy was short, very short. It didn’t help that he sat in a low chair in front of a high table, with a huge Steiner of beer in hand. Unfortunately this won’t be my stand out memory from this date. Despite the low lighting it was obvious he was bright orange. He was very sweet, a bit nervous and asked lots of questions. He was a musician from Penge (easy) and lived close to his family. For some reason towards the end of the date he bought me a zambuca shot which was unexpected. I drank it though and made my way home. He messaged me after to say that if I wanted to meet up again. I replied that it was nice to meet him, and wished him a happy weekend. There won’t be anymore dates with perma-tan man.
After five dates I’ve learnt that one date is enough to know whether you fancy someone and three is easily enough to confuse you.There is no doubt in my mind that cheese hater and perma-tan are completley wrong for me but there is still doubt with jalapeno popper. Maybe I will message him….